


a choice with a little bit of regret

by cottontale



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, slight eating disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-18 22:46:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1445617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cottontale/pseuds/cottontale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From his days underground, Levi developed a bit of an eating disorder—he filled his plate to the brim, hoarded food in his room, and he didn’t even notice it himself, until Hanji said something. Eren, who doesn’t give a fuck about Levi’s eating habits, tries to keep his massive crush under control while consoling his humiliated Corporal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a choice with a little bit of regret

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy fluff, Hanji sticking their foot in their mouth, Eren's wonderful logic, and Levi laughing at other people's suffering (see: Erwin's).

The company of Squad Levi was privilege to three meals a day, dining along with Hanji and the Commander if his schedule allowed. Only occasionally did Mike join them, either working on projects for Erwin or keeping together the stables, as nobody really understood the horses as he did. But the meals were large, as they also were in charge of kitchen duty more often than not, to keep Eren's level of activity low unless Hanji chose to experiment with his stamina and patience (it was limited, they quickly learned after poking him repeatedly with a pencil after a long training session with Levi). [](http://cotttontale.tumblr.com/post/82358403473/a-choice-with-a-little-bit-of-regret)

Ingrained into their routine, they washed over by a sink, keeping the usage of water to a minimum, scrubbing and wiping down until the Corporal deemed them fit to handle food. Of course, in the line of waiting to dish out a hearty type of mash and a small roll of bread, Levi went first, and then Erd, Gunter, Auruo and Petra brought up the rear. Eren had to wait until everybody was seated before getting his own dinner, out of politeness and respect, but mostly because his squad was still jumpy whenever he handled cutlery. Levi waited for him to finish like always, standing off to the side, a cup of tea in one hand and his full plate in the other. 

Eren vaguely registered that Levi always had a heavy plate, every space a piece of food could go, filled. Assuming Levi had to keep up his caloric intake, especially with his specific skill set, Eren shrugged off the observation as null information. Levi could eat whatever ever he wanted, however much he wished. 

As luck would have it, their usual table was filled with Hanji, the Commander, and Mike. At the head of the table, Levi pulled out his chair and sat, the seat on his left open for Eren to take. Their usual routine had been changed, as the squad felt more at ease with Levi being so close to the source of their anxiety and guilt.

"This is great," Hanji commented, their spoon dipped in their mouth. "Who made it tonight?" 

"Eren did," Petra piped up, giving the boy a small smile before agreeing. "Well done." 

"It's very good." Erwin said from beside him.

As always, Eren tried to take the compliment with a grain of salt. "Thank you." His cheeks were warmer than usual, as not only did the Commander compliment his culinary prowess, but the Corporal as well. 

"You should take over Auruo’s kitchen duties, Eren." Levi said. Eren was sure there was compliment in there somewhere. His sharp eyes were large, relaxed, and at home with a nice meal and his family. 

Auruo, always the butt of the joke, sputtered into his meal and threw vague insults at Eren. The shifter ignored them in favor of settling his roaring stomach. 

"You managed to find thyme and basil?" Mike offered a question to break the silence after Auruo's tirade broke off with a bloody tongue. He didn't bother lifting his spoon as he sniffed, smirking when Hanji did the same but with no results. "Good nose." 

Levi snorted almost quietly into his own plate, but Eren heard the noise being so close and flushed brighter. He didn't mind the good-natured mockery that came with camaraderie in the military, but there was only so much he could take before his cheeks melted. 

"T-Thanks." He didn't understand what was so funny, but the fact that Levi was comfortable enough around him to let down his guard was warming his chest, toes curling in his boots.

"Don't get cocky." Auruo muttered, still nursing his tongue. Petra rolled her eyes. 

Levi finished first, digging into his meal the moment silence once again settled. He ate quickly, precisely, and cleanly enough that he left nothing behind. Eren finished next, too full to finish his bread, wishing Sasha was there to polish off his extras. 

"Don't waste food," Levi snapped, grabbing his half finished roll. "Eat what you're given." But as he spoke, he ate the rest of the roll with a pinched expression. Eren apologized and took both their plates back into the kitchen. 

As he rinsed off dishes, he hummed. In the middle of wiping off his hands, he heard a crash and a coarse, "Shut the  _fuck_ up Hanji."

He jogged back into the dining hall, only just catching the tail end of Levi's back as he disappeared. Hanji's plate, though empty, was upside down and broken into pieces on the floor. Eren recognized Levi's teacup on the floor as well, shattered, no tea left to be spilt. 

"Uhh..." Eren didn't know what to say or why everybody looked like they were sitting on needles. 

Petra looked pale and elbowed Auruo, back and forth sharing waspish whispers. Gunter was cupping his mouth and nose, Erd next to him with his eyes closed and mouth thin. Erwin gave nothing away on his face and Mike's eyes were covered now with his hair. Only Hanji looked helpful as they frowned and let out a good-natured, forced laugh. 

"Oops," They said and bent down to clean up the mess. "No Eren, you might cut yourself." Eren stood back up and looked to his superiors. Nobody looked back. "It was my fault." 

"Um, what happened sir?" Eren asked, turning back to the door Levi had raced through. His face had probably been stormy, frowning, and angry. Levi never  _broke_  things whenever he was mad. He just snapped verbally and encouraged improvement with more drills and an extra slot of toilet duty. 

"Nothing," Hanji answered, still cleaning up the floor. "Just ticked off Levi as usual." 

Somehow, Eren didn't think that was even close to what happened. 

-

The overwhelming urge to go to his Corporal, to knock on his door and ask what happened kept Eren from focusing on his preparations for bed. He brushed one side of his mouth and sat in bed for ten minutes before he realized he had forgotten the other side. And again, he realized he had forgotten to change out of his white uniform pants and tall boots, sitting up to remedy the situation. 

His basement door opened, light flooding in from the staircase. The shadow on the wall was much too tall for it to be Levi. Eren paused, his left boot halfway off. Levi always locked him in for the night. 

"Hey Eren," Hanji held up a lantern, giving Eren more light at he finished taking off his shoes. "Levi's... uh, indisposed, so I'll lock you in. I've always wanted to anyway, so this is perfect. What does he do exactly? Has he been taking your temperature like I've asked him to?" 

Confused and still trying to process that Levi was indisposed, Eren stuttered, "U-Uhh, sir? Is Corporal Levi okay?"

Hanji deflated noticeably and put the lantern on Eren's clothes trunk. They sat next to the light and smiled sadly. 

"I don't know. Levi is a tricky customer." They said, watching Eren's every move as he undressed and pulled on a pair of sleep pants. "I'm sure Petra has already told you a bit about him." 

Eren flushed at the memory of almost being caught gossiping with Petra. Levi hadn't looked happy, either with Eren's shitty cleaning job or the fact they were using him to fodder conversation. He didn't care to remember Levi's harsh expression. He hadn't seen it in weeks anyway. 

"Only a little," Eren offered back, but sat on his bed, back straight and uncomfortable. "But why does that matter anymore? He's fine now. He's the strongest." 

Hanji smiled brightly, "Oh, I'm so glad you get it! He'll be thrilled." Eren blinked when Hanji stood. "I have a tendency to ramble and point out things about people they'd rather not be pointed out... Or things they weren't even aware of." 

"Um," Uncomfortable that he was once again gossiping about his superior, but too curious to stop, Eren leaned forward. "Is that what happened at dinner?" 

"Essentially," They shrugged before bouncing on the bed next to Eren, looking over his body, "Levi didn't enlist voluntarily. So, naturally, people cast their judgments upon him and rumored he was a famous thug forced to enlist."

"Is it true?" 

"Probably," Hanji poked him near the ribs, causing Eren to flinch and scoot away. "Whoops, ticklish?" They didn't wait for Eren to answer, "If you put two and two together, your results are that Levi was in the underground where there is a distinct shortage of food. Accompany that with his manners, speech, and tendency to load his plate with food and eat like a starved man, you have my conclusion I pointed out at dinner." 

"Oh." Eren looked away from his superior, watching his toes tuck away from the cold floor. "So you told him he has an eating disorder?" 

"Yep." They looked sheepish before straightening, expression serious. "Well, almost. It's not an eating disorder really."

"There's nothing wrong with it," Eren said, "It doesn't hurt anything. He can do whatever the fuck he wants." 

Hanji smiled without teeth, like they were hiding a secret. 

"Why are you telling me this? Go tell him." 

-

It seemed like a good idea at the time. But standing in front of the Corporal's door was like staring down at the long list of chores Eren had no idea how to finish. What the fuck was vinegar? And was bleach supposed to burn your skin? 

Hanji suggested he tell Levi his thoughts; perhaps comfort his superior and send to bed Levi's worries, but that was all easier said than done. 

The door was shut, a type of finality and barrier rendering Eren physically incapable of knocking. Light was still visible underneath the crack, but so was a dark shadow cutting off every once in a while. Eren could only guess Levi was pacing, still upset with Hanji's poorly carried words despite holding no malice or judgment. Hanji just wasn't the type of person to carry contempt with such a close comrade. He just hoped Levi knew that too. 

Eren exhaled quietly as he could, still watching the shadow from under the door pace. He couldn't hear anything, so Levi probably wasn't having a fit or throwing a tantrum, breaking things like he had earlier. Levi had more control than that, especially with such a helpful outlet of slicing titans. But then again, Eren hardly knew anything about his Corporal. He knew vague, secondhand information and he had his own presuppositions. In light of the recent scuffle in the dining hall, Eren felt guilt eat at his stomach lining. He shouldn't assume anymore, about anyone. 

"You've been standing out there for ten minutes," Levi's voice carried through the thick wooden door, annoyed but firm. "Just come in already."

Feet glued to the floor, Eren didn't move. Levi had noticed. Of course he did. Feeling like an idiot, Eren felt his body react negatively, cheeks burning at being caught. 

He heard a short sigh and then the shadow grew longer until the door handle turned, opening. 

Eren took a sharp breath. 

Levi looked younger, more vulnerable, exhausted. His hair was no longer neatly laid down around his ears, but messy as if he had pulled and yanked from his roots. His eyes were bordering on manic and wild, closer to breaking than Eren had ever seen. But the most startling thing was that Eren could plainly see everything on Levi's face: humiliation, anger, annoyance, shame.

"G-Good evening sir."

Levi only huffed and turned, leaving the door open, a silent invitation for Eren to come in. Surprised he had even gotten this far, Eren took a moment before walking and shutting the door behind him.  

Incredibly, Levi's room was also in disarray. The Spartan outline was thrown away. The bed was unmade, like Levi had thrown himself upon it before taking off all his gear and throwing the straps and back plate over his shoulder. One boot was halfway under the bed, the other on the windowsill. Eren didn't even want to know how that had happened. Eren turned his attention back to Levi, who was refusing to look at him, sitting at his desk chair. Only his papers were untouched and inkwell still full next to the fountain pen he often boasted about, being a gift from Erwin when he broke every last pencil he touched. 

Unsure of what to say, Eren walked to a bookshelf nearest the boot in the window and looked over the spines. They weren't many, as books were a luxury and expensive (near illegal) to own, but Levi had plenty that Armin would no doubt froth at the mouth to get his hands on. Eren smiled at the thought. He spotted a box on the lower shelf as he went down the shelves of books, full of canned goods. So Levi also hoarded food in his room. 

"Go ahead," Levi interrupted the silence, voice defensive and tight, "Judge me. I'm sure you already heard what happened." 

Eren whirled around, eyes wide. 

"Sir? I don't understand." 

His superior looked un-amused and bit like he wanted to shrink away into a small corner. Eren tried to loosen his body language, keeping his arms boneless to his sides, eyes gentle and attentive as always. 

"Oh you don't, do you? Jesus kid, are you  _that_  slow?" Levi's words stung, but Eren didn't comment. Levi was only being harsh because he was hurting. Eren definitely knew the feeling, remembering how Mikasa had sent him flying when he had verbally pulled apart Armin in their childhood after the wall fell. 

"Get out." Levi snapped when Eren didn't do anything, but stand there, face open and ready to take whatever verbal abuse Levi could throw at him. "Get out, brat. Go to bed, you're not supposed to be here anyway." 

Eren didn't offer that Levi had let him in the first place, but obeyed anyway. 

"Yes sir. Good night, sir." He looked over his shoulder once before he left. Levi's face was an open book now in the comfort of his wrecked room. Clearly, as if written across his forehead, his face read: scared. 

-

The next few days, Eren tried his hardest to ignore the pitying looks sent Levi's way whenever he entered a room. His squad would obey without complaint, their squabbles reduced to only happen when Levi was away. Eren felt like he was going mad.

Petra looked longingly and slow at Levi's back whenever he turned around to clean or talk to another solider, the action tearing Eren's patience to shreds. Levi was different, so what? He only ate more, why the fuck was that so heartbreaking? 

Only during Hanji's experiments did Eren really pay attention to himself, focusing on everything but Levi. His Corporal acted no different, only throwing Hanji scathing looks whenever they got too close or even mentioned dinner. Eren wished they'd just apologized already. 

"Okay, Eren!" Hanji didn't seem as chipper, no doubt still feeling bad for causing such a ruckus so early in the week. They looked over the edge of the well Eren stood in. "I've talked with Levi and we agreed you have sufficient enough control to transform outside of the well! Isn't that great!" Again, they didn't wait for Eren to answer, "Come on, climb up and we'll try this a little further away from HQ." They threw over a ladder and waited. 

Eren puffed and leaned against the lip of the well once he was out, annoyed he had to make the trip down in the first place. Levi stood closer to him than Hanji, his heart stuttering slightly against his ribs when he noticed and wondered the meaning of such a gesture. He had been sure Levi would hate him for his late night, really pointless visit.

"Here's the deal," Hanji explained, "Because of your dexterity in grabbing the spoon last week, I think we should continue to test your finer motor skills, such as using your fingers," They wiggled their own for emphasis and Eren felt his face crack in a small smile at the gesture, "And your eyes blinking, dilating pupils, etcetera."

"Yes sir." Eren nodded when Hanji finished, no doubt waiting for his go-ahead. Next to him, Levi uncrossed his arms and mounted his nearby grazing horse.

"Get on, kid." Eren blinked when Levi huffed at his silence. "You can walk if you want."

"But sir... um, aren't the others coming? My horse is just over there." Eren pointed to the far off picnic table, where the rest of the Squad sat with watchful, almost distrusting eyes. Eren didn't, or really couldn't, blame them. All spoons were put away. 

Levi ignored the question. "Fine, ride with Hanji for all I care." Levi pulled the reins around, his gelding's head curled close enough to nose his boot, "Let's go." 

Hanji pulled their mare away from Moblit, their ever-present assistant, and mounted, holding out a hand for Eren to grab. Carefully, Eren climbed behind them and held on as they cantered to catch up to Levi. 

They settled near the edge of a large enough forest should Levi need to engage with his gear. Hanji tied the horses a few yards away and led Eren to the tallest tree. 

"So, as we discovered earlier, you need a goal in mind to shift." Hanji pointed to nearby fallen tree, the size of three horses, branches and fallen leaves littering the ground. "Your goal for now is to pick up that tree without breaking it... and preferably, not killing us." 

Levi snorted distastefully beside them. 

"Fan-fucking-tastic." He muttered and drew his blades. "Let's get this over with then." 

The experiment went off without a hitch. Eren bit his hand, Levi cringing at blood and blast of energy while Hanji danced on the ground in excitement. Eren's titan picked up the tree and even tossed it in the air before catching it with the other hand. The tree didn't break, only a few loose branches snapping off on the landing. 

"Excellent!" Hanji shouted from the ground, staring up at the fifteen-meter titan with glee. "Are you cognitive, Eren? Can you put the tree down and pick me up?" 

"Oi, four-eyes!" Levi snapped while Eren went rigid and took a step back. "What do you think you're doing!”

Hanji just grinned, "I trust him." 

Levi let out a growling grunt and rolled his eyes so hard, Eren vaguely registered that must have hurt. But his vision from the titan's point of view was mostly blurry concerning the humans on the ground. He couldn't see much else. 

"You're fuckin' insane. Erwin will have your head when he hears this." 

Hanji shrugged, "Hmmm, yeah, don't care. This is for science!" They turned back to Eren, "Come on, your hand out please. I trust you. You didn't break that tree, even when you tossed it." 

Eren took longer to convince, puffing out a great ball of steam in displays of anxiety and worry. Hanji, having a field day, simply laughed excitedly. 

"This is so great, all this information! Levi, write it down!" Hanji stepped closer to Eren's stiff, outstretched hand. "Hot!" They yipped and pulled their hands away from the skin. 

"You're going to get yourself killed and I'm just going to laugh." Levi commented, but still kept a sharp eye on Eren, blades raised. 

"Bring me to your face, please Eren." Hanji said, careful to keep their skin away from Eren's. "I want to test your reactions." 

On the ground, Levi huffed and tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for Eren to snap her arm off. 

Carefully, as if holding a newborn child, Eren raised his superior to his face. His permanent toothy grin and almost glowing green eyes only made Hanji clap her hands and beam. 

"You're so amazing, Eren! When I clapped, you blinked! Okay, now I'm going to try and see if you're still cognitive enough to tell the truth or lie." 

Levi scoffed, yelling to the scientist. "How the fuck is he supposed to say anything?" 

Hanji ignored him in favor of pushing up their glasses from the rising steam causing them to fog. 

"Your pupils dilate when you lie. It causes your body to become nervous, sort of like an elevated heart rate or sweating. So let's try this out. Hmmm, let's see... Eren, are you human?" 

Immediately, his eyes widened slightly, but his pupils remained small, focused on their small form to make sure they didn't fall. 

"Good!" Hanji smiled and touched his nose, rubbing. The skin was still hot, but a type of reward seemed appropriate. Eren's throat rumbled, almost appreciatively. Levi, still on the ground, snorted. 

"He's a fuckin' cat." 

"Okay, next," Hanji leaned further, watching Eren's pupils grow smaller as they inched closer. "Were you lying when you said you didn't care about Levi's eating habits?" 

"Oi!" Levi snapped, "Shut the fuck up, four-eyes!" 

Eren's pupils stayed small when Levi maneuvered his way up to his face to grab Hanji by the collar, probably planning to pitch them over the hand. Eren pulled them apart, one in each hand. Levi sliced his fingers off. 

-

This time, Levi put Eren to bed.

"Sorry for grabbing you sir." Eren mumbled, looking at his hands as Levi shackled his wrists. "I thought you were going to kill Major Hanji."

Levi roughly grabbed his other wrist, snapping the shackle closed.  

"I was," Levi whispered harshly before carefully putting Eren's wrist back on the bed. "Until you had to go all noble." The sentence was said bluntly, but Eren could hear the humor in it. He let out a small, breathy laugh. 

"Yes sir," He grinned up at Levi, glad it was still dark enough that the lantern brought out the Corporal's sharp features. His face was more relaxed now. "And... and... um, never mind." 

"What? Spit it out." 

Eren took a deep breath before bringing his knees to his chest, resting his shackled wrists atop. 

"I did say that," He tried, watching Levi's face carefully in case he was toeing the line. He definitely was with how Levi's shoulders tensed like a dog's rising hackles. "That I didn't care about your eating habits. They're not bad. You... you can do whatever the fuck you want." 

For a long moment, Eren sat in silence, eventually looking away from Levi's pinched face. Then Levi snorted gracefully. 

"You're fuckin' right." Levi sat on the bed, next to Eren's hip. "I  _can_ do whatever the fuck I want..." He trailed off, the unsaid 'well almost, Erwin exists' passing through both their minds. "Thanks, Eren." 

Eren flushed when Levi put a hand in his hair, rubbing and scratching minutely before pulling away. 

"You really are a cat, Jesus." Levi stood, and wiped his hand on a cloth from his pocket. Eren cringed, realizing he had hummed at the touch. "Night kid." 

"Good night sir." 

-

Finally, Levi joined everyone for dinner. Routine stayed routine, Levi making sure everybody washed properly and dishing out his portions first. He didn't spare anyone a glance as he piled his plate. Eren kept in a smug smile when Auruo tripped and nearly put a hand in the mash. 

Eren, last as always, smiled to Levi as he waited for him to finish making his plate. They walked together to the table; same as the night Levi has stormed out. Erwin smiled politely at both of them, Mike sniffing the air and smiling. Squad Levi took their seats, leaving the head and the left open. 

Levi pulled out Eren's chair before settling himself. Eren flushed hotly and ignored Hanji's knowing look. 

"Wonderful as always, Eren." Petra spoke up and Eren nodded to her compliment. There was a murmur of agreement throughout the table. Next to him, the Commander winked at Levi who refused to acknowledge his existence. 

Levi didn't pause or hesitant, eating with vigor, enjoying the meal, "It's good." Eren squirmed in his seat, bringing his spoon to his mouth. 

Subtly, Levi snaked his foot around Eren's ankle, making the boy jump and slam his hand on the edge of his still full plate. Eren watched in abject horror as the dish sailed into the Commander's lap, mash sliding down his torso to rest on his thighs.

Snorting into his new teacup, Levi let loose a howl that Eren could feel down the marrow of his bones. Mortified, Eren felt like he couldn't fully appreciate the sound and the warmth (or was that humiliation?) curling in his chest. 

Later, when he and Levi held hands down the basement, Eren mused that the burning embarrassment was well worth it. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I read a fic (not in the snk fandom) that dealt with an eating disorder similar to what I described above and the idea never really left me. And Levi seems to be the type to worry over the little things about his personality concerning the people he cares about. 
> 
> Thanks for indulging my whims and procrastination... sigh
> 
> my [tumblr](http://www.cotttontale.tumblr.com)


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